It’s been an age since I have written a blog primarily because I can’t string a sentence together most days. I’m sitting here on the day ward getting treatment.
My mental health has taken a bit of a bashing lately. For a number of reasons I think I can trace it back to my stay in the hospital a while back for bronchitis and an infection.
I got a real fright. I thought I would end up dying alone in hospital. Nothing to do with staff they literally could not be nicer but my anxiety and past experience just resulted in me freaking out. Then trying to stay calm so not to worry my family in particularly Séamus. We are so blessed to have the hospital ten minutes from the house and thatI got spoilt rotten with bags of treats and gifts from my family.
But that was a while ago and just something I need to be mindful of is my immune system and ability to pick up infection walking past someone with a cold. I write this sitting in treatment with another chest infection I got off my mam who did her best to stop it spreading and I went and stayed with my sister for three day but still got it. This frustrates me and makes me feel weak and a bit useless which when I try be reasonable I know totally wrong but it is how I feel. My GP has been fabulous and helped me deal with my mental health. I have started some light antidepressants which I took back in 2017 when Seamus’s dad passed away and I struggled to process it. I cannot stress how important it is to reach out for help when you need it. I know its around a while but the saying its ok not to be ok ring true. There is no prices for going through life without counselling, medicine and reaching out. Do not struggle alone. I know I get so many people afraid to put things on their family but if they aren’t an option try a friend or a professional.
I just came off the back of the best weekend ever when these happen I am determined to make the most of them. It was my little sisters 32nd Birthday last week and I organised a dinner for some of our girlies. I Love hosting this kinda thing. I think with covid restrictions everyone was delighted to do a bit of socialising helped with one too many prossecoes who knew you could run out 🙂 these ladies did a great job of giving it a shot. We even had Moet and Chandon at dinner time just what we are used to 🙂 But my friend Janette catered for us and the food was just amazing. Followed by the most Devine southern style red velvet cake by Jo Roberts. I am only regretting sharing my piece with Séamus. Dates like these are a double edged sword (probably the wrong analogy) on the one hand I am thrilled to be able to host my sisters birthday but it makes me think of how many more birthdays I might get to see. I can’t hold back the tears thinking about it. I love all my family but Siobháin is also my best friend and so important to me. Her growing family make me so proud of her and my brother in law Seán.
It was the same during the week Séamus had a sleepover for his mates to celebrate the end of second year. We hired a bell tend from Taylors Tents and Tepees. Gemma who owns the company set it up she came all the way from Longford and was an angel. The kids (god they would kill me for calling them that I obviously mean teenagers aka 14 year olds thinking they are 25) had a blast although I am unsure of how much sleeping they did. Covid has resulted in Séamus really struggling to settle into school and make new friends. That is why I am so lucky with the bunch of boys Séamus has as friend from play school and primary school. Not only are they a great support to him but their parents are nothing but amazing to me and my family. Community is everything they make life so much more bearable and worth everything.
The amazing tent
But anyway these events and experiences make life so much more enjoyable but also hone in one the fact that I have cancer and am sick which believe it or not I forget sometimes. I want to life while I can and as my sisters says in style. I have enough money in the bank to do so which I am soo fortunate to have. I cannot imagine and I know many people have to go through cancer with the added stress of worrying about bills. Working for honestly the best company ever Irish Life gives me enough income to pay the bills and have a life, But many people got from having a good wage to the dole. Which lets face it does not stretch very far. That is why all the charity events done country wide make the biggest difference to so many peoples life. For the Irish Cancer Society it provides transport to patience to receive the treatment that saves or lengthens lives and many more. But I could not begin to name all the charities and list their benefits but thinking of all the volunteers making the small and big differences makes me so emotional and thankful.
In my local town Drogheda there is a Facebook group called Drogheda Dolls where almost 15,000 ladies talk shit, share stories, support each other, do good deeds and fundraised a whopping €110,000 so far. I have donated a €500 one for all voucher to do a raffle for a local little girl called Amelia who is unwell. This literally breaks my heart, I know how hard it is for a grown ass woman to be sick and find it unimaginable that a small person has to find the strength to get through it. Anyway if you can get involved to support her family please do.
I hope everyone has managed to get a little break in. I know everywhere was booked out in quick time when travel restrictions were announced. I booked our house in mayo a few months back but there wasn’t a field for a tent to be had in mayo. Had the best time though got a house for ten. The whole family came including our four dogs. Which added hugely to the holiday and I made the beach walk out at old head beach everyday except one. This was where we got wedding pics fro Siobháin and Seán’s wedding two years ago. Crazy feels like they got married yesterday and a decade ago all at the same time. These trips make me so happy firstly always with my dad who as you know I am a daddy’s girl for. And my brother and sister joined us a bit too. There is no better way to start the day than dipping the toes through the trendy crocs 🙂 into the Atlantic sea. It was FRESH!! Got to enjoy my first nephews first holiday which my sister did when Séamus was a similar age. So I will be present in the pics to show him when he is older.
I have been sharing my feeling and updates on Facebook and instagram a bit I get such a wave of support from everyone it honestly makes life feel good. So thank you to everyone for their continued support I always FEEL it but don’t always come back. This week my brother is coming to visit for a week which has me beyond excited so I am heading to the dublin hurling game on Saturday and then the family are staying in the Ballymascanlon hotel in Dundalk for a night. Which is beyond exciting a nice swim and family dinner where there is no washing up is always a winner. These magic memories are precious. The only ting that could make it better is to have my niece and nephew and sister in law come too but I hope to visit them in the autumn if restrictions allow. Again so lucky to be able to have these occasions. I just need to try remember I am here now I could be here for ten weeks, months or years and I need to grab each day as it comes and enjoy what life offers me.