Late again this week (well technically Sunday is part of next week) but to be honest I wasn’t sure I’d be able to at all so hopefully it’s an alright read. This week has been by far the hardest week there was a similar routine of nausea, pain, diarrhea and absolutely Knackardness (should so be a word) with the added extras of a kidney infection, vein infection and bloody thrush ( I know seriously) throughout the week. Last Saturday night I had an allergic reaction to something, the doctor is not sure what but I had to take a trip to the dr on call for a jab which is not ideal as I know Séamus worries and well I felt like I had sat on some ants 🙂
People have been so amazing and kind and I am really glad my positive outlook is making the discussion around cancer easier. For the most part being positive has honestly come effortlessly. I have just taken each test, treatment and result day by day, this had been so effective because if you let your mind jump ahead you will always struggle to catch up worrying about things that may not occur. This has enable me to use my energy to take care of myself and fight this cancer with everything I have. But then days have come where I am so tired going to the bathroom feels like I have ran a 5km. This annoys me as by nature I am quite energic and love moving about but this weekend for instance I spent 80% in bed this makes me feel lazy which I know is totally ridiculous as I do have cancer and I am undergoing radiotherapy and chemo therapy.
I am quite competitive person and I have found myself competing with other patients in my head (bearing in mind for the most part I have no clue what cancer they have or what their diagnosis is) checking how they are managing breakfast when I can’t or they are sitting they grand at treatment when I feel like it I don’t do deep breaths like I am in the final stages of labour I will pass out. For example I am hopefully having six sessions but at the very outset the oncologist said he would be happy if I got four, I have been determined and checking my bloods to make sure I get that sixth session like it would be my fault if I didn’t! Again ridiculous:) I am telling you the above because I know most people reading this will relate in some way to how hard we can all be on ourselves and it is absolutely unnecessary and a total waste of potentially positive energy when if we are kinder to ourselves we will probably do better alround.
I really can’t believe I have 4!!!!! More sleeps until I am home in Termonfeckin. Me and Séamus have been struggling with the distance not helped this week with me staying in the hospital for the weekend so I am super excited to get home and chill out with him, my family and my dogs! (They are no good at FaceTime 🙂 ) I am maybe the last person to realize but did you know you can do group whatsapp calls and it is deadly!
Most importantly this week I would like everyone to pick one female they know and ask them have they got their smear? Or have you checked your breasts? I would love to see this covered in secondary schools so young girls see it breast exam and smears are just done not even thought about.
Now I don’t want to become one of these people who thinks they know everything about cancer as I don’t. But I believe this year in conjunction with Daffodil day the Cancer society are trying to encourage people to do more exercise to help prevent cancer so give it a go, the local park runs are deadly and free and suitable for all levels or there are loads of local couch to 5k’s including St Feichins which starts tomorrow night. I think a good blast of fresh air is amazing for the head and can clear all the cobwebs.